Here are some jokes for you to enjoy, after you've done some 999GCSEHelp revision, of course!
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University. ‘Everyone can join the top 1% if they do well enough in school’, and ignore the basic math problem inherent in that idea.
I knew it was going to be at least an hour long ride back from school today because of the traffic. So to help pass the time, I whipped out my iPod, untangled the ear-buds,
and I was there.
During an argument with my Grandad, he screamed, "You'd be speaking German if it wasn't for me!"
I exclaimed, "Hang on, you didn't fight in the war?"
"I know that," he replied, "But I told you to choose Spanish for your languages GCSE, remember?"
Teacher: “Why are you late, Joseph?”
Joe: “Because of a sign down the road.”
Teacher: “What does a sign have to do with you being late?”
Joe: “The sign said, ‘School Ahead, Slow Down!’”
Q: Name the four seasons (These are actual 2009 GCSE Answers!)
Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
Q. What is the fibula?
A small lie
Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
The caesarean section is a district in Rome
Q. What is a terminal illness?
When you are sick at the airport.
Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab wears on his head
Teacher: “If you had two pounds and you asked your father for another, how much would you have?”
Ben: “One pound.”
Teacher: “You don’t know your arithmetic.”
Ben: “You don’t know my father.”
"You know you've spent too much time with your CGP revision guide when you find the jokes in there funny!"
The students were lined up in the cafeteria for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: “Take only ONE. God is watching.”
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, “Take all you want. God is watching the apples.”
Two students talking:
Girl: “I can get myself a day off.”
Boy: “And how would you do that?”
Girl: “Just wait and see.” She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
Teacher comes in: “What are you doing?”
Girl: “I’m a light bulb.”
Boss: “You’ve been working so much that you’ve gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.”
The boy starts to follow her and the boss asks, “Where are you going?”
The boy replies “I’m going home, too. I can’t work in the dark.”
Son: “Dad, can you write in the dark?”
Dad: “I think so. What do you want me to write?”
Son: “Your name on this report card.”
There was a little boy, his mother was pregnant.
He asked: "What’s in your stomach mum?"
The mother replied "It’s your brother."
The next day the teacher asked "Who has little brother or sister?"
The little boy: "I have a brother but my mother ate him."
One early morning a mother went to her sleeping son and woke him up
Mum: Wake up, son. It’s time to go to school.
Son: But why, Mum? I don’t want to go to school.
Mum: Give me two reasons why you don’t want to go to school.
Son: One, all the children hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me.
Mum: Oh! that’s not a reason. Come on, you have to go to school.
Son: Give me two good reasons WHY I should go to school?
Mum: One, you are FIFTY-TWO years old and should understand your responsibilities. Two, you are the HEAD TEACHER of the school.